it kills me softly

I feel so desperately involve in a case I did not intend to happened. Life is boring but I'm slowly coping up. There are a lot of things in this world I just can't seem to understand like my mom, I don't know the reason behind why I always keep on feeling that I'm so unwanted, all my life I've dedicated myself to everything she wants but still I can't decide on my own. It's so hard to have a life when everything around you is keeping you inside of your shell, I just want them to clam up because as of this moment I want to have my own life. I want to have a meaningful life, a happy life because how can I grow up if I'll stay like this forever, right? Being me is my choice, being me is what I wanted and being me will conquer. I choose this life and I am ready to face every ups and downs that I'm going to have. The real thing I WON'T REGRET THIS. Sorry mom, I don't like you but I do love you.